Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going

walking pathDear Reader,

It seems that I have been gone for about two months now. In case you were wondering just where I was, I was out of town. That is the short answer and the one I give to most people who I do not want to know my personal business. However, this is not entirely true. While I know that you have a personal life that does not include me, and in most case you probably do not care what I do or where I go, I feel it would be dishonest to continue giving this answer and do not wish to disrespect you in that way.

In truth, I was at an eating disorder clinic receiving treatment for an eating disorder. I have had this for the past ten years of my life. It started off emotional eating and then switched to restriction, and then that switched to restriction and compulsive exercise.

This was not my first time in treatment, but I am determined to make it different from previous attempts. I have tried to listen to the advice of others and integrate what I am hearing being told to me with what I know works for me. I am trying to kick out what does not serve me, though this is easier said than done due to the self-hatred that comes with the disease.

Please do not think that this is a pro-recovery website. I do not intend to do too much writing about this subject. It is not that I am ashamed of this, but I already spend so much time with the eating disorder that to write about it on a continuing basis would not serve me well. I want to focus on my interests that extend outside of the disorder. At the same time, this is not an anti-recovery website or anti-treatment website. Treatment is hard, but worth it if you are willing to put in the effort to change your life. This time around, treatment gave me the idea of a future, something of which I was severely lacking just months ago. Now, I feel that I know what I have to do in this world to meet my ultimate goals for life.

Please join me.


Jumbled Writer


*Picture courtesy of elevateyourmind.org.


24 Responses to Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going

  1. Good luck Jumbled Writer. You are courageous. Keep hope foremost in your heart and the anticipation of a wonderful future. To know and understand what you must do is a strength that will serve you well.

  2. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself! That’s the most important. And as Neil Gaiman said, “make good art” from your experiences.

  3. I know how hard it has been for me to change any thing about my life…but I know that it is possible. My thoughts are with you as you continue your hard work. I heard a concept the other day that I can relate to in this regard — the spiral staircase. Actually it’s the lady’s book, but she was talking about the idea that she has slowly been moving forward (or upward) even though it has often seemed that she is not progressing at all. But we are moving forward even when it takes a long time and when it seems we are at a standstill. Spiraling up. All the best to you!

    (thanks for coming by boatacrosstheriver)

  4. Glad to have found your blog. Such honesty can be scary, and I appreciate you sharing. I am intrigued by the intros to your stories and will be reading some in the near future. Good on you for focusing outside your health etc, I think it can be so therapeutic to just do something you love without the negativity always being centre stage. Since I’ve been ‘outside my head’ for a little while, and it’s invigorating.

    • I agree, it is nice to let the negativity go to the side for a bit. I am glad that you got something out of this blog. Thank you for taking the time to visit and leave a comment!

  5. I wish you the best of luck on this difficult journey. The journey to wellness always has its ups and downs. After a bad day, don’t doubt yourself, pick yourself right back up and start over. You can do this! The secret is to not give up.

    • You are right, it is a difficult journey. I thank you for your support. The road to health has had a lot of curves and twists in it and it is easy to end up in circles, but I must keep moving.

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