It seems that I have been gone for about two months now. In case you were wondering just where I was, I was out of town. That is the short answer and the one I give to most people who I do not want to know my personal business. However, this is not entirely true. While I know that you have a personal life that does not include me, and in most case you probably do not care what I do or where I go, I feel it would be dishonest to continue giving this answer and do not wish to disrespect you in that way.
In truth, I was at an eating disorder clinic receiving treatment for an eating disorder. I have had this for the past ten years of my life. It started off emotional eating and then switched to restriction, and then that switched to restriction and compulsive exercise.
This was not my first time in treatment, but I am determined to make it different from previous attempts. I have tried to listen to the advice of others and integrate what I am hearing being told to me with what I know works for me. I am trying to kick out what does not serve me, though this is easier said than done due to the self-hatred that comes with the disease.
Please do not think that this is a pro-recovery website. I do not intend to do too much writing about this subject. It is not that I am ashamed of this, but I already spend so much time with the eating disorder that to write about it on a continuing basis would not serve me well. I want to focus on my interests that extend outside of the disorder. At the same time, this is not an anti-recovery website or anti-treatment website. Treatment is hard, but worth it if you are willing to put in the effort to change your life. This time around, treatment gave me the idea of a future, something of which I was severely lacking just months ago. Now, I feel that I know what I have to do in this world to meet my ultimate goals for life.
Please join me.
*Picture courtesy of elevateyourmind.org.